Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
