Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
