Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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