You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
