the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
