Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
