I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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