I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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