Im at strip club and am horny
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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