No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
