Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(474): View more from

Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.

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(970): View more from Colorado

So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.

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(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.

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(330): View more from Ohio

No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.

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(914): View more from New York

Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.

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(815): View more from Illinois

My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?

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(903): View more from Texas

The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.

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(317): View more from Indiana

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?

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