Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
