already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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