Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
