im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
