I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
