Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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