Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
