omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
