Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
