I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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