dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
