Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
