We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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