I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
