I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Randomize
