DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
