I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
