What did we do last night that was yellow?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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