I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
