i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it hurts more in the daytime
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
