Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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