He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
