First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
