He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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