if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
