"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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