We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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