we have pet lesbian snakes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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