the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
