Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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