I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
