Can i not drive my cunt home
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
