He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think my vagina is haunted
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize