Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
