id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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