Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
