yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
