how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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