worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
