Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
