and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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