Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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