I'm jealous of your bromance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
