my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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