First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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