I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
