Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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