Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
