i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
