he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my shit smells like andre
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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