after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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