as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
