Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
