Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
