so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
