Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
