i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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