Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
