so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize