Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
