Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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