Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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