Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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