taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize