People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
