I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
