Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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