don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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