just come out here and I will go home with you...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
